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I went to the endocrinologist this morning and everything was great until my physical exam where he felt a lump on my thyroid. “I’m not going to say it’s cancer, but we should have it checked.” Suddenly that lump felt bigger.

Before I was called into his office, I was sitting in the waiting room and a woman across from me leaned in and said, “You look really great like that.” She thought I had cancer. I said, “Good to know because it’s permanent.” She had had a liver transfer from a 30 year old guy in California who was killed in a traffic accident. She said that testosterone is coursing through her and making hair grow everywhere. She wonders if he was an athlete, but although she thanked his family, she declined to go meet with them.

Yesterday, I went for my mammogram and the technician asked me where I am in the chemo process. I said I have alopecia, Hashimoto’s, not cancer. She said, “Wow. You look really great like that.”

I went into get my vitals before seeing my doctor this morning and the nurse began telling me that her mother had breast cancer and she looked really great bald too. I told her I don’t have cancer. She apologized and said that she thought “I look really beautiful bald.”

Then my doctor came in, he is a friend as well, he said I look terrific and that I really wear it well. I said its a good thing, considering the lack of choice I have in this matter.

I decided to hold the lump in abeyance until I have my ultrasound in a few weeks. I’m not going to sit on top of a worry cloud at this point, but I did wonder if already being bald might not alleviate at least some of the fears people have about having chemo.

When I went to pick up Tin from school, we were walking out to the car and a little boy came up to me on the playground and said to me, “Everyone thinks you’re weird.” I said, “Why’s that?” He said, “I dunno.” Then a friend’s daughter hugged me for no reason.

There is a harvest moon outside all the while a great mystery is inside, all ready to be decoded, revealed, unlocked.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 9th, 2014 at 9:24 pm and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.