Weeds in the Garden
I’m always on the sunny side of the street, and even told the first therapist I ever saw that I felt like I had sunshine on my shoulder and was pretty happy most of the time. She told me that I succumbed to magical thinking. She didn’t mean it kindly, but the fact of the matter is I think it’s true – still. I am the manifestation of the bumper sticker MAGIC HAPPENS.
My life ain’t rosy and to quote Langston Hughes, it ain’t been no crystal stair either. But then again, as my birthday approaches – another revolution around the sun – I’m beginning to like when it’s not rosy just as much as when it is. I’ve had all the childhood elements of what normally sends people to the therapist’s couch – alcoholic parent, rage-oholic parent, as well as family psychosis, secrets, and cray cray, and I survived it all pretty much unscathed.
Of course, and then, it felt like I didn’t. My whole body just shut down two years ago and literally my hair fell out and my financial world collapsed and all that I had feared might happen happened. And there I was.
There is a diagnosis for what I had – it all falls under the umbrella of fear. I can’t tell you what I feared, this blog post couldn’t hold that long a list, but I can tell you a lot of what I’ve feared in my life has come to pass. No kidding.
So now, almost as a matter of practice, I have taken to appreciating the weeds in my garden, the ones I used to furiously pull out and toss. And these weeds are so beautiful in their ordinary way.
I took a few shots of the weeds in my backyard. There is a vine with tiny purple flowers clinging to the fence and there are a smattering of daisy varieties (daisy fleabane pictured here) growing from under the house and in the interstitial space between me and my neighbor.
The cat’s claw on the back wall was almost eradicated by me – I was going to pay Joe $150 to get rid of it but he never showed up and time passed, and one day I learned to love the vine that threatens to take down brick and mortar (that’s what cat’s claw does). But I gave the wall to the claw – HAVE IT, it’s yours, I told the vine and so as thanks, the vine sent me buttercup flowers this spring.
April 7th, 2014 at 10:52 am
This really touched me. I really have problems eradicating dandelions or digging up tired old rosebushes and replacing them with new varieties. Sometimes I feel like that old rosebush just trying to survive one more year. I do try to keep those dandelions out but mostly for the neighbors. I think it suffices to say some of us more readily identify with the fleabanes and the cat’s claw and they are lovely aren’t they?
April 10th, 2014 at 8:24 pm
For me Alice – I definitely feel kinship with the cat’s claw!!!