What kind of vibe do you give off?
Plagued by a bout of insomnia, I slept ten hours last night – good hard sleep, the kind where your dreams take you to imaginative places. Last night, I had bought a house and it had three kitchens, but that was only one part of the dream that meandered into many dreams. I woke, groggy from the drug we call REM, and made a cup of coffee with the French Truck decaf hand-delivered to my house yesterday – it was delicious.
I then put on my pants with the Buddha prayer on them and walked to the Zen Center for morning meditation. I passed a double shotgun house where a family was sitting on the porch animatedly speaking in Spanish. As I passed, I said, “Buenas,” and the older man said to the very young boy, “MIRA, MIRA, si tu ….Mira!” I could not hear what he said to him – “Look, look, if you … you will look like her.” I turned and said, “MIRA!” in a very direct way. He roared with laughter but I was not laughing.
Then I passed a man standing in his front yard who was looking at me intently as I came into his line of vision. I said hello, he said hello, he then said, “Beautiful” and I said, “It’s a beautiful day.” And he said, “I would make love to you.” I just rolled my eyes and thought: get in line, buddy.
The center was packed but I was able to squeeze in and it was just what I needed. In our dharma talk speaking about Buddhism after meditation, I learned the center has changed its plan to move Uptown to stay here in MidCity. Yay! Originally, when I found the center I could not believe my luck – here I was in crisis and in need of meditation and the center was walking distance from my house (the LaLa) and then I moved and it was still walking distance. Only still in the throes of my good fortune, I went to meditate one day and learned that they were planning to move the center Uptown and I felt betrayed. And then, I remember feeling like, well, of course they’re moving, good things don’t last forever.
A friend sent me a note this morning – the one I’m doing the Prosperity Affirmation with for thirty days – it was a quote by Abraham Hicks about how there is no injustice in the world, we attract what is in our vibration. Our own vibration. So what is it in me that:
1) dreams of a larger house with multiple kitchens, with the idea floating around that I could rent out some for extra income?
2) attracts a Hispanic man to use me as the brunt of his joke instead of admire my beautiful bold baldness?
3) attracts a stranger I have no interest in to say he would make love to me?
4) has the good fortune of learning the zen center will stay instead of move away?
5) attracts this dearth of money rather than the abundance I’ve been affirming?
The vibe inside of me is a work in progress – I possess a naturally good vibe, loving and happy, optimistic, but I have to work around the shadows to let my light shine. I have to remember that what I’m receiving, I’m projecting – if I had to answer the law of attraction off the top of my head for any one of these numbered items, it would be that I: 1) am not satisfied with my house, 2) doubt bald is beautiful, 3) lose sight I’m the prize, 4) fear that good things don’t last, and 5) believe money causes suffering or makes me less real.
I’m fine-tuning my vibrations as I write – hope you are too. More will be revealed.
Translation of Chinese Buddhist Prayer: Good Fortune, Ample Salary, Longevity and Happy Life