No speculating
E and I made a pact to quit speculating – we both have the tendency so we now have a pact and when L came over for dinner tonight I told him we had to have the same pact – live for now, and quit speculating on what the future holds. Today was another outstanding day weatherwise in New Orleans but I felt a little bit of a pall for what the rest of the world has going on – Dana Reeves – how horrible – a tragedy and that 13 yr old boy now orphaned by two outstanding parents. I read in the WSJ today that when interviewed three years after the accident Christopher Reeves said – “The mind and body are connected. When Nixon was lying through is teeth, he got phlebitis in his leg. The body expresses what the mind is trying to suppress. But if you have a postiive attitude, and the faith and love of people around you, you heal faster.” The truth – because I have been blessed through my travails with unbelievable love and support from family and friends and the gratitude can never come close to expressing what this has meant to me.
Speaking to S today when she was driving somewhere in Marin – we talked about how everyone seems to be in this sort of malaise – the Jimmy Carter term – love him dearly – but really look at the external – 9/11 and then tsunami and then Katrina – you don’t think these huge external natural and manmade disasters colors your world – it does. I sit here again thinking of my myopia and trying to pull out of it and think of the world in larger terms and I’m surprised at how I could ever think that my own personal and external issues are not almost common right now. As I wrote yesterday my industry that I work in is in such turmoil that there is uncertainty and my colleagues suffer from that as well as the huge issues that cast a pall on all of us – so it takes my own personal challenges and makes them shrink in perspective to what the world at large is feeling. A friend wrote about her own pet going through trauma at the expense of her own stress – and I think of the Bean who the eye doctor said was perfectly fine – with these undiagnosed episodes – she’s my lifelong friend and what? she’s not going to suffer seeing her companion wracked with sobs and tension of the circumstance – yes, of course she will. So there is the beyond putting on the good face, the fake it till you make it, there is counting our blessings – and taking time to love those who are pure and innocent in light of the wake of madness and chaos.
L brought his journal with him and we discussed several poignant events in our life and how to handle closure as well as hope – and we did not come to any grand conclusions but the sharing of the pain and the love is what is going to make us bear the days ahead.
I had so hoped to leave in a few weeks for a weekend with the elephants in Arkansas but it looks like that trip might have to be postponed till May because of scheduling – but I look forward to the solo road trip and the weekend of communing with these animals that I have always had such a strong connection to and finding out what that is all about.
N and the Snake are out of town and I have Renny and so Arlene is at least getting a slumber party with her friend – which you would think would be good – but they are both acting like little jealous two year olds – wanting my attention like they have never been loved before.
The LaLa was demanding today – my contractor and the framer were wanting information that I couldn’t satisfy and I couldn’t reach S who is driving to SF with all his belongings and at one point I just said – think of what N and G are doing across town and that is the effect we are looking for and of course, they both had a light bulb go off over their head – it was like think of what we would normally do and don’t do that. And finally S called back and sure enough, he confirmed that assumption – the whole less is more.
I ran today and my body did not respond – it was gorgeous outside albeit windy – but it was like the mechanics were off and the body said how do you do this again? But I worked through it and kept on in a clumsy fashion. The elbow injury is getting better but still can’t lift weights like this. Emails exchanged with D – who was my best man when S and I got married – and he is going to pick me up next month when I get to La Jolla for our reporters conference. On the bookend, L flying to meet me from Sacramento for a girl’s night quickie. So a trip that I wasn’t looking forward to that much is suddenly taking shape as a good respite and re-connect.
I’ve taken a turn to the resolute – things are what they are and the understanding of what is will take some time to filter and figure and so this will be a process – a long journey – so no instant gratification in sight – just one foot in front of the other and keeping central issues in focus to work through them and make the end of the journey perhaps sweeter. Not the usual trajectory or goal – which has always been now now now – but an acceptance that right now things can’t be any different from what they are.
Jazz Fest just announced big line ups – Bruce coming – etc – which makes JF much bigger than it was originally shaping up to be. Not the biggest Boss fan but his attendance does draw necessary attention to our awesome festival.
In Instyle an interview with some hottie and the guy said he plays Wolf Parade all the time – uh oh – pop music from my source of alternative tunes – there it is.
The framing on the addition is already at the second floor – LaLa starting to come along. Scary and exciting. I’m going to bubble wrap the columns since the framers dinged one bringing in the industrial windows yesterday – made me physically ill.
And so here we are – March something – I made a playlist for L coming over tonight and the songs that stood out were interesting – and I do love pop music and have no shame in that.
“If I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody baby.”