Prayers for the Bean
The electrician called with changes so I went and picked up S and brought him to the LaLa to field questions then it was such an outstanding gorgeous day – 84 degrees and sunny – we looked for a place to eat outside. S wanted to go to a new restaurant called Stanley’s on Decatur because he said they have the best shrimp poboys but we ended up at Dizzy’s sitting outside and having fried chicken that was so unbelievably juicy and delicious. The guys sitting next to us had just got back to town – one had 8.5 feet of water and was in the process of jacking up his house. Our waiter evacuated to Atlanta and said he was so glad to be home because he hated the hills and missed his home state – he just got back two days ago. It was buzzing around there with the restaurant having just opened a couple of days ago and it was good to see and feel the buzz particularly on this fabulous day.
S went off to pick out throws and beads and then to get plungers from Home Depot for his ride in Tucks on Saturday. He is coming by later this evening to go through boxes. He doesn’t know yet if he has to wear a pig or Friar Tuck costume.
Heard from D that her grandfather passed this Saturday in Shreveport – called B to offer my sympathy and learned that R & B’s mother passed on Monday – I had just spoken with R last week and he said his mother was not well, but had no idea that she was so ill. So more calls to offer sympathy.
S comes in tomorrow and is staying for 8 days with mom. Haven’t seen her in a while. Oil and water we’ve mostly been in life despite having grown up side by side. Mom’s clan is driving in for a visit on Saturday but that’s a big parade day so can’t manage Metairie and Uptown on the same day. So will just have to drive out and see them soon.
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Arlene The Bean – spoke to the vet at length and she goes in tomorrow for cardiac tests and possibly a stress test. If that is normal, then an ultrasound. And try to figure out what is causing her episodes. She’s my life line these days – if she goes I am taking the poison pill.
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S and I discussed unrequited love this evening in the heels of seeing that movie last night – he told me when we were leaving the theater that he felt bad for me watching it. Ha. I’m numb – it was gut wrenching – it’s all gut wrenching – but I’m trying to keep the rose colored glasses on because I can’t sink into the quagmire of sadness for a while – need hiatus from sadness – I pulled out all the boxes that were obviously S’s architectural books and drawings and then was left with all the “what” boxes – he finally got here and didn’t so much as look at a box. It was a low evening. Sometimes we talk and it is a good exchange and supportive, and sometimes we talk and it is all about why is this happening to me, to us, to everyone? The Bean just watched and I thought about the stress she has been under – absorbing our stress – Katrina stress – toxins that were sprayed all over this damn American Can that became a cesspool in the wake of the storm – and I want to keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel because surely there is one?
We hope for the best – like right now when she saunters over and licks my ankles then lies at my feet – we cling to the absolute truth – and try to deal with all this mess – this mess that doesn’t seem to get any unmessier – the pile of it just doesn’t seem to glow with that toxic waste sadness that it had for so long – the glow has dimmed – now it’s just about keeping that pile tidy and working around it in the clean yet spare spaces that remain.
It’s heady times when the weight of a word like “moron” causes everyone to feel like he shouldn’t have said it, I shouldn’t have said it, and really would calling him “moron” be the deal breaker? Emotional weight gets put on words, on boxes, on inanimate objects that don’t really give a damn about our emotional weight – the unbearable lightness of being – of being inert – and so we need Mardi Gras – we need the parades tomorrow to lift the pall that has suddenly gathered again for another hurrah.
And the Bean – she needs to be healthy and fine – secular prayers for her tonight – she is truly one of the innocent and provides me comfort and shelter from the storm.