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The last post I wrote before I left New Orleans at the end of June – I forgot to post it. So I came across it today and posted it – only it seems out of place with my universe right now. The Croats left and with them nightly indulgences of cookies and cigarettes and all sorts of things that I told them would have to leave with them – and they did, on Saturday morning, we began to detox from our friends’ vacation.

Only, the little bit of time smoking cigs has caused me to jones for them and so here we go again – quitting time.

So it could be that that is what has contributed to my out and out depression that I woke up with this morning. Or maybe it’s the fact that the hair growth that started when we arrived has receded and once again I have a bald head. I looked up alopecia and when the hair should grow back and one medical site said that if it does not grow back in six months chances are the hair loss is permanent.

Say what?

So I sank further into my depression and just decided to withdraw. It’s not that hair is the most important thing in the world – it’s not. It’s just that I really don’t even know who I am anymore – I don’t know whose life this is I’m living, I don’t recognize myself in the mirror (I stuck my tongue at myself in the restaurant the other night), I’m just this stranger walking around with my soul inside.

So when I read the post that I forgot to publish I thought – oh yeah right. But I know this will pass – it’s the craving for cigarettes and sugar that is mounting an anti-Rachel campaign. Gone are the inspirachels – a word straight from Mudd Lavoie – instead it’s hello baldness my old friend.

I visited numerous sites about alopecia and baldness. I even liked the alopecia site on Facebook. Joining the team is not helping one iota.

Tatjana took Tin to the beach to get him out – he hadn’t napped – he ripped a foot off of cow.

I know how he feels, I’d like to rip a foot off of someone. I just finished Autobiography of a Yogi and I am mystified at the whole writing – his secretary, Richard, was a tad too hot, and the sleeping with the gurus part of the equation gave me pause, and I’m sorry but I can’t understand how being godlike got this mega ashram built in California – something about the whole book depressed me or at least made me suspicious of the world in general.

The only good to come from the last two days is that we discovered through Anne Flournoy – Issa Rae’s The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl – and watched six episodes last night.

Oh well – let’s just call today a day in the hole – tonight I get to be distracted by more episodes of ABG until this dark cloud passes.

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 29th, 2012 at 11:38 am and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.