Dangermond.org

Viruses are weird things. A friend of mine’s son just had one and wound up in a wheelchair. My ex mother-in-law had one that passed through her heart – luckily the doctor was familiar and knew it wasn’t a heart attack even though it looked like one. My virus lasted 48 hours and kicked my butt. Literally.

I spent yesterday immersed in work with blinders on because I wasn’t sure if I was going to crawl back in bed or not.

So I was walking the dogs this morning through the park feeling very chipper after feeling very puny and I was staring eye to eye with several Great Blue Herons who were chuking around in the grass. How lucky I am, I thought as I passed four turtles on a log, to live near this park.

Then as I was coming around the bend I began thinking about the speaker who came to the Zen Center the other day and how he spoke about the creation of our world is through our thoughts. I think I have created a world that is joyful but anxious and the anxiety comes from all those damn harpies that fly around my head and say, “You know that isn’t so good, you better watch out, you know it could happen to you, just like that!”

I think about that a lot because with Tin we are constantly attacking him from all sides – “Don’t throw the ball in the house because you will break something.” “Don’t talk to me that way or you will not get your lemon ice.” “Don’t throw your instrument on the floor or I will take it away.” “Don’t touch my telephone.” On and on we tell him no and don’t constantly and threaten him with evil consequences so that one day he will grow up and have harpies in his head telling him that he is a bad, and things will happen.

That parental voice is good when you are a child and don’t know better than to run out in the street, or dive off the back porch, or grab a knife or scissors, or how about the hand right on the fire? But that parental voice could be shot dead after the vulnerability of childhood is gone.

I think about the things that make me feel queasy – like I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing – that is a big harpy for me. It’s BULLSHIT. Thought created bullshit. My other ones are great, if I would have done this, that might have happened differently. ANOTHER BULLSHIT. Things happen the way they do, that is it. Accept your life at face value, do not judge, focus on the positive and don’t attach to the negative, and OPEN YOUR HEART.

So for Tin, I meant to say YOU ARE A GREAT KID, WE LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, BUT YOU CANNOT PEE ON THE TOILET SEAT. Only sometimes it doesn’t come out that way. For me I mean to say RACHEL, YOU’RE YOU AND THAT’S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WRONG.

I was thinking about all this when I got back to my desk and saw that a friend (G) has started writing a blog. She should have started it years ago, but doesn’t that sound like a harpy? Should should be eliminated from all of our vocabularies. She started it now and that’s what’s good and she started it with a reference to me, so it’s even better.

But what ties this whole post up in a nice little bow is that I have often verged on stopping this writing a blog business because for one thing IT AIN’T A BUSINESS unless you take seriously the .org part, which means NONPROFIT. But I’ve been compelled to come back to it time and time again even despite having pissed off a few people and aired my dirty undies way too many times. One thing I can say when I saw G’s post and her quoting me – weird that is – is that I do try to improve, and I do succeed sometimes, and I am doing it publicly, so if that is helping one other soul on their way to enlightenment, evolving, self-actualization, than mission accomplished.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012 at 10:55 am and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.