Self referential
This morning I was walking the dogs and ran into an old friend and so we walked and talked a little together as I was not headed out for a long one and he was headed home. I was recounting my story of late, the rise and feared fall of the LaLa and I said, “What was I thinking when I did this? I thought I was all that.” And he responded in perfect timing, “And now you’re just that.”
I was reading the Tao and Lao-tse wrote that “The skilled walker leaves no tracks” and I thought back to an article I had read when I worked for The Nature Conservancy and a man had written about how he and his partner rented a cottage and grew their vegetables and had purposefully scorned home ownership because they wanted to leave as little tracks as possible. I had read that at a time when San Francisco was just starting to feel the effects of the recession that had hit across the rest of the country. In a mere couple of years that would turn on its head with the dot.com phenomenon. And I would once again revisit the notion of home ownership.
I know I am very similar to many people who began to have success in their career which then translated into home ownership, which also led to a developed acquisitive personality around things and then boom. I don’t remember when I started to think I was all that, I think I thought that in hindsight but don’t actually believe there was a moment in time where I stood there looking in the mirror, lips upturned in the corners, a twinkle in my eye pointing my finger gun at myself and going, “Girl, you are all that.”
No I rather believe that I was going with the flow; looking back offers me a view of how I was carried away by the current vibe to own a home, own more that you can afford, acquire things, any things in catalogs or boutique stores that catch your fancy, and be stressed out in a job that constantly is supporting this way of life. That was the flow.
What was I thinking?
Now that I am aware I was on the wrong path, and now that I am trying to center myself on a path that is closer to the earth, more organic, and less about all that, I am really sifting through everything to find out what is that. Last night, I took a bottle of champagne over to my neighbors to celebrate a day of victories and they had a huge one to share as well. We raised our glasses to toast and my neighbor said, “To getting your flow back.”