Your own worst enemy
Going back to the spiral theory that Flower first brought to my attention, where we are all going around a spiral called life but as we move through life our goal is to get higher and higher up the expanding spiral so that when we encounter the same obstacle or challenge we are wiser (higher up the rung) and the time between encounters gets longer.
I was sitting on the porch reading Grace and Grit, and thinking about trying to find the balance between doing and being and most everything else in my life, and I thought about my mother in parallel with the past two decades of my girl friends who have born too close a similarity to her to go unnoticed.
These women, including my mother, have been very bright and beautiful women all stuck circling the same rung; they keep coming around and finding their situation has not changed because they have not changed. The question of are they happy suddenly slipped away to being almost pointless as I meditated on this.
The question of how I interact with these same archetypes in my life is what I pondered.
I have read books on being the daughter of an alcoholic parent. I’ve been in therapy for my overdoing and under self-loving. I’ve written about trying to set myself free of past destructive behavior. But it is the relationship of me to the beautiful tragic woman – my mother – that is always the one that I have the hardest time breaking free from feeling guilty about. It’s this cycle of guilt that I want to quit indulging in – the one that says I have anything to do with their ability to live happy and healthy lives.
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
An extreme need for approval and recognition
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
A compelling need to control others
Lack of trust in self and/or others
Fear of being abandoned or alone
Difficulty identifying feelings
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
Problems with intimacy/boundaries
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions