Either I was sad and it was happy, or it was sad and I was happy
Started watching John Sayles’ Lianna last night about a straight woman who falls for her female teacher. It’s an older film with all the anachronistic quirks of the year it was filmed – it moves sometimes like a play – but what struck me are all of the casual scenes where they are together in public and one of them says, “I wish I could hold you right now.” Or “I wish I could kiss you right now.” Or “I wish we could hold hands right now.”
It made me feel so sad for anyone who has ever loved and felt because of society they had to suppress their natural feelings. That even the desire to comfort your partner would have to be moderated because of a watchful eye by a society that would shun you.
It made me very sad that a world could exist such as this.
I’m fortunate to have fallen in love with a woman and be me during the times we live in, in the U.S. – what if I would feel trepidation about showing my affection to her because society might judge me, scold me, ostracize me? Thank god I don’t have that to deal with on a daily basis.
Last night, I lay in bed and recalled standing in the Zagreb airport, in front of every real or perceived homophobe, and my baby giving me a real kiss goodbye. I went to sleep smiling.