8 of Swords and Me
I desire to be free.
And yet I struggle. I am a layered trifle of limited beliefs, which I am constantly trying to scoop away, eat away, dissolve, and yet, these beliefs persist. Much of the meditation I’ve been doing the past few weeks is about breaking out of these limited beliefs.
Here’s where the buzzer goes off – is this true or is this not true? I’ll give you a belief that has come up recently. When you feel butterflies after meeting someone – is this a good thing? Fate calling? Or is it a bad thing – old patterns re-emerging? Every relationship I have gotten into has begun with butterflies and love at first sight. Al-Anon and psychology will tell you to run the other way if you feel butterflies, because you are registering danger not long-term compatibility. How unromantic, but what if it’s true?
I went through an exercise with Tin about what I intend to do to work on myself. The number one goal? Not to work as much. And yet, it is 4:30am and I’m up early because I am starting this week with an overburdened calendar and a TV spot first thing this morning. I sat at my desk to write and was torn between sending out an email blast, logging in ticket sales, sending another email to the 100 WOMEN DBA, sales tax, and I was flooded with my to do list.
We all know work expands to meet the time allotted, yet sometimes I am moving so quickly through my to do list that I create other problems. Yesterday, I bought tickets to a concert on the same day that I bought tickets to another concert – both of them are in different cities. The goal is to slow down and not do so much.
Sometimes, I have no patience for exploration and become a Project Bitch barking orders to get the shit done because we don’t have time. Or I perceive we don’t have time.
I sometimes journal with a tarot card prompt and the card of today is the 8 of Swords – self-imposed limitations: 1) no time, 2) it needs to get done, 3) I am responsible for all of it, 4) if I don’t do it, it won’t get done, 5) I have to do it, 6) if I don’t do it, it will be bad, 7) I have to do it now, 8) do not stop till it’s done. There you have it, eight self-imposed limitations as to why I need a master class on relaxation and letting go.
When the 8 of Swords appears upright
- You might be imprisoned by your own beliefs
- You might be unable to see possibilities for change
- Your thoughts and beliefs might no longer be serving you
- It might be time to let go of negative patterns
- It might be time to embrace new perspectives
