My SUN
I’m back in this alien landscape to visit my son whose 16th birthday is approaching. None of what has happened with us in the last 16 years could have been predicted, none of it fits tidy into a family history, none of it has been easy, and yet, when I sit down to piece together all of the photos from previous birthdays, the notes, the cards, the feelings – there is a through line of how I at 50 years old, and he at nine months old, became a family. It’s our history.
I pulled up the speech I gave in March of 2022 for Tin’s bar mitzvah – of all the hard things we have done, this was one, and its outcome was marvelous and glorious. What I said to him, to our family and friends then, applies now, Tin will turn sweet 16 with people who love and support him, and to love and be loved is the greatest gift we can give each other.
March 2022
The two most important days in a person’s life are the day you are BORN and the day you find out WHY.
I found out WHY the day I met you. I knew with divine clarity I was born to be your mother.
I am so PROUD of you today. You and I have been in a dynamic, unfolding adventure every step of the last 13 years. Your humor, creativity and energy have confirmed what I saw in your eyes the first time I met you – you are a born LEADER. That’s why your Hebrew name – Moshe – Moses – is so fitting that I would have picked it for you myself. But you chose it because of my brother, your Uncle Bill, who by the way you have a similar temperament with! And we are very grateful Uncle Bill is here today to watch you cross this threshold into Jewish adulthood. I am grateful all of my brothers are here both biological and spiritual. And of course my SISTERS.
To be a bar mitzvah is to become ACCOUNTABLE for your own actions. And I thank God this no longer falls on me as your mother! From now on everyone here knows you DID it, not me.
I’m grateful to everyone who has come here today to witness your bar mitzvah – if you look out at all of their faces, remember this one thing about each one of them – they are here because they LOVE you. All of them have helped form your path in one way or another. And most will continue to do so as you navigate these teenage years into becoming a man.
We would be here another few hours if I listed each person and their contribution. I do want to thank Ellie Wainer – Ellie taught you to read Hebrew! And if we were not Jewish, I would call her a SAINT. Because Ellie approached this task with such REVERENCE for you, with such love and patience, that I marveled every time I was privy to those lessons. I also say thanks to Rabbi Silver, who has from the get-go SEEN Tin for who Tin is and has always supported your unique journey through pandemic and distance to becoming a bar mitzvah. Thank you to our visitors – Temple Beth Am – for sharing this remarkable occasion with us and for so generously providing our meal after the service.
I would like to also thank those who aren’t here – our ancestors – their struggles for freedom have given us this opportunity to be together today. Your name Constantin contains the journey of over 500 years of the Sephardic Jews who were exiled from Spain and made their home in Turkey. The Sephardim were exiled along with the Muslims and their diaspora is intertwined. I will leave you, my son, with these words – this is a passage from a book called Leo the African about a young Muslim boy forced to leave his home:
Wherever you are, some will want to ask questions about your skin or your prayers. Beware of gratifying their instincts, my son, beware of BENDING before the multitude! Muslim, Jew or Christian, they must take you as you are, or LOSE you. When men’s minds seem narrow to you, tell yourself that the land of God is BROAD; broad His hands and broad His HEART. Never hesitate to go FAR away, beyond all SEAS, all frontiers, all countries, all BELIEFS. (Amin Maalouf, Leo the African )
Constantin Moses Dangermond – I LOVE YOU, now let’s get this party started.
