Is it me? Is it you? Is it them?
It’s been a week and it’s only hump day. Last night, I went to my ACA meeting where we get to eviscerate our insides and leave exhausted. Yes and it’s good. We were reading a line that said something like how do you recreate insanity in your relationships and I think that was when the chipping away exposed a nerve.
Yes, and I cried.
Like just out of nowhere or out of everywhere, I started crying. The box of Kleenex was instantly accessed and passed. The faces softened. I breathed heavily and audibly. I have learned boundaries. I have learned to feel what I need. I have learned to ask for what I want. Those are things I’ve learned. What have you learned? I realized that I continue to engage with people who do not respect my boundaries, and that’s me.
What’s you? My reaction steered us into a conversation about ego. The ego is always defending us against our fears. And what are our fears? That we are not good enough. It’s so pervasive in so many of us. And yet, when you are in the business of setting good boundaries and someone can only respond with ego, you’re at an impasse. Even the most mindful of mindfulness will tell you to walk away.
And this made me cry. A lot of my connections and conversations these days are with people who let down their guard and are vulnerable with me. I work daily to let my guard down so that I can connect with you. But what about them? Those locked in fear, responding with ego, impenetrable?
You must refuse to let their ego dictate your interactions. But anyone who is learning about boundaries in the afternoon of their life will tell you: letting go of managing other people’s feelings and being resolute in protecting your own feels vulnerable AF.
