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My friend, Wanda, who was visiting from San Francisco left me $50 for my birthday. It was the exact amount that the guy who was supposed to fix my brakes ripped me off. It was the exact amount needed to get a massage from Danielle. So yesterday, three days before my actual birthday, I went to see my massage therapist/seer/diviner/soothsayer for a much needed deep tissue massage.

When I walked in the door, she asked me how I had been. I said interestingly enough I am in this peculiar place in my life where my spirit is soaring and yet the material world is crumbling. “Hmm,” she said. “As usual, you’ve come and I was just thinking about this very thing. When the spirit is high, less is needed.”

She got down to business and I tranced out, not sleeping, not waking, but grooving as she pushed out the toxins and cleared my pathways. Afterwards, she said, “Okay, Rachel, you can turn over. But I’m running out the door to write down everything because there is a lot.”

Danielle sat down across from me when she came back in and said, “There is so much going on. Tin was your first major transition but another one is coming up. That is why things are being cleared off your plate. And what you are getting ready to do is going to lay a foundation for your son. He is going to have questions, about who he is, who is family is, and who you are and what you are doing now is going to answer those questions for him. You need to keep doing what you are doing, you are on the right path. And there is a big, big love that awaits you, that will blow your mind.”

I left her studio and got in my car and drove back to the American Can, where I went down poolside to read over the manuscripts for the night’s workshop. I signed up for the Loyola Walker Percy Center writer’s workshop and have gotten through Chapter 3 of my book. My vision, as I stated to the deputy mayor the other day, is to write a book that would help white parents of white children teach their children through anti-racism tools.

I do know the reason that my working life has been so fragmented, so thinly strung together since I left OTR is because this is what I’m supposed to be doing. However, it has been a struggle financially to stay on this path because there are many times where it has been daunting and yet, as I told Danielle, I’ve never been more right in my self than I am now. As I sat there reading, a skywriter started writing messages in the sky.

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