Don’t Let the Smooth Taste Fool You
Warren Easton’s marching band is parading around the neighborhood making Carnival almost unavoidable, but that’s alright because honestly, let’s just get in and get out. Again, Mardi Gras is early this year – February 17 – and I’m barely recovering from the holy trinity of Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanzaa not to mention New Year’s.
My friends are all going nuts it seems with more couples splitting up than hooking up, and I have to say all of the madness makes me wonder if people ever really figure it out. I know there are those in long-term relationships that have no thoughts of anything else – and yet for my couples that are like that, I’ve had one of them die within a year of cancer diagnosis, and another die of a stroke. What?
Right, which is why during these times of chaos that are no different from any other time of chaos, it’s about laying some ground rules. And ground rule number one is be kind and compassionate to yourself. Number two is keep yourself nimble and flexible because just when you settle into that good old knowing, something you don’t know is about to slam through your window. And three I’d say is learn to be present.
The best thing I ever learned to do is to not care.
I know – that sounds horrible doesn’t it? But I had a real issue with caring too much before and I say this because recently when Stanley got a little jealous he said it was because he cared too much and I said, hmmm. Too much? Nah, there is something else going on. There is fear. Similarly, I just had this conversation with a friend whose perfectionism in her job has led her to having her soul vaporized. How can I stop caring so much, she asks. Caring too much isn’t bad, fear is what is bad. So let me rephrase that, I learned to not fear what was going to happen next.
The best thing that I ever learned is to not fear what happens next.
Now I do have to tell myself this several times a day sometimes to make it stick, but remembering it has given me the ability to make myself present, to not worry about work and whether this project is happening or this client will be around tomorrow, and it certainly has helped me with matters of the heart because I truly believe in what will be, will be. What is meant to be. Or more to the point, what is.
I know it sounds detached that I am cool with my lover moving to Destin, but I am – I have a busy life – filled with motherhood, working, social justice projects, race reconciliation projects, friends, and my biggest love affair – me time. I need time for ME at the end of these raggedy days – time to go to bed early, time to take hot baths, time to read on my sofa, time to take long walks with my dog, time to garden.
So don’t let the smooth taste fool you, I’m still a sentimental softy on the outside, a woman who cries at weddings, funerals and even recounting stories of my life or listening to you tell me yours, but I’ve become hardcore in my “core” and that means you and events cannot rock my world – because – in the words of Maya Angelou – life don’t frighten me at all.