Chin up as you ride these waves
I spent the day nose to the grindstone trying to finish a report that has been elusive if only for the fact that two holiday weeks and a major conference scattered my sources around the globe. So I just focused, and little by little it came together. At one point, not stopping for lunch, I ran over and picked up a ballgown that a friend loaned me that is stunning. And as I hung it on the closet door to run back to my office, I had this feeling of sadness that had no obvious reason other than my emotions have been pitched back and forth in so many directions over the past few weeks that it’s hard to know where they will land.
When I rented the apartment, the landlord threw her arms around me and said “God Bless You.” At yoga yesterday, which I haven’t been to for ages, a friend put her hand on my bald head and said, “Jesus heal this woman.” And she meant it. They both did.
Today as I sat on the front porch to get a little sun on my bald head, a woman drove by, perhaps even the new owner of the LaLa and she looked and I looked and tried to not convey sadness, but I do believe that might have been what I projected hovered into my polar fleece vest my bald head cold but needing sunlight.
It’s as if I’m free falling, but yet last night I dreamt that Tin and I stood by a big lake and a fish jumped out of the water so high we had to crane our heads to see it and then it fell fast and plopped back in. Then it leaped again, this time higher, and we were both exclaiming, “Wow, look at that!” The dream interpreter online said this:
Jumping fish might have any number of different meanings to different individuals. It could represent joyful freedom or a sense of having “risen above” the ordinary.
Walking into my office during one of these intervals away, I noticed the Chinese lanterns overtaking the Vitex tree in the backyard – all of this planned spontaneity that I have done around here will be left for someone else to appreciate. I instead will be looking to other visions very soon. I told myself to go ahead and feel sad if that’s what I feel because I’m going through a lot of changes and you can’t help but regret what you are giving up as you are moving forward.
