Letting go of fear
Yesterday, was a move forward and a setback in thinking. My therapist said to embrace my friends right now because I will need them, but I’ve found it difficult to do just that because as one told me, the more ears you seek, the more mouths you’ll find. Change rattles people and change is what’s happening.
May 2013 would be the 8th year in the LaLa and February 2013 would be five years with Tatjana and those anniversaries are not going to be celebrated this year. Instead, I’m entering the new year and new chapter with unknown milestones and celebrations.
And that’s scary. So when I walked over to the lot with the architect to talk about building a new house, and was confronted with confusion about whether this is a done deal or not, I felt like I was stepping back into the abyss instead of stepping forward into the light.
I went to sleep early, trying to get my head around whether giving into the everything will turn out the way it should motto to the what if I need to do more to affect this change. The Yorubas said be specific. So I was, I asked specifically for what I want. I want to trade my vanity house for a spiritual one. I want the process to be a healing one, not a stressful one. And I want more than anything to step with purpose instead of fear.
This chapter is just beginning to be written and I feel utterly alone in these decisions – yes, friends are all around me, but they are cautious and concerned about my bold steps and I feel as if I need to shake loose of old ways of thinking that make me cautious and concerned. I want instead to be the Fool and step off the cliff and have faith that the future is a new way of life and thinking.
January 05, 2013
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
The waters you are navigating right now might not be as crystal clear as you would like them to be, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that evil monsters lurk under the surface. Have confidence that all is well, because who is to say that it is not? Your tendency towards pessimism has been growing stronger, and this is something you should address today. Admit to yourself that you don’t know what the future holds, and there’s statistically just as much chance that things will go well as that they will go poorly.