Reconciling what you want and who you are
I ran into a friend last night who is recently out of an 8-year relationship. She said she ran into her ex with her latest hot squeeze at Jazz Fest and tried to be big about the whole thing but it did unnerve her. The rub is that she was the one who wanted out of the relationship. I told her that I’ve learned that it’s almost worse when you’re the one that wanted out because when you see your ex moving passed you it’s unsettling.
Folks marvel at S and my ability to remain friends in the aftermath of the hurricane that swept our lives – but we spent a third of our lives together, how can we not still be friends. Is it easy to see him moving on passed me, not really, but I fall back to what Ellen taught me – you have to love who you are in a relationship – and recently in his company I found myself retreating to past behavior – being a shock absorber and wanting to take care of – and I kept the latter at bay very well but the former not so well.
Sometimes you can love someone to their core and that doesn’t mean you are meant to be together. I told my friend that she would reconcile all of this at some point, although I’m not sure when I will, but every day I get closer.