Day 2
So I’ve been inside my head a lot lately because I have a lot of changes going on in my life. I’m getting used to the fact that I can’t call my mother when I want to and was told by a friend who lost her mother 17 years ago that I gets easier but there are moments that can make it seem like she died yesterday even 17 years later.
I’m also striking a balance from wanting to be with Tin during his waking hours – which are not many let me tell you – as he still needs a thirty minute chill out in the morning and he takes up to a four hour nap in the afternoon and then is ready for bed by 8:30. But be that as it may, I’m also trying to put the oxygen mask on first so on Sundays I’m doing an exercise class that is not in the middle of his nap time because I need it.
I’ve also given a lot of thought to my steps in my career and at this juncture I’m high on the possibilities of the direction I’m headed and of course, anxious about it all as most of what I’ll do in the new year and beyond will be what I have never done before and yet everything I have done before if you really think about it. So it is with great hope that I go forward into Day 3 (that would be tomorrow – the first Monday of the New Year) of 2011.
And so, a lot of what has been on my mind recently is this part of my new life – this not past midlife (that would suggest I will live to be 100) but into the autumn of my being if I live into my 70s like my mother and not my 90s like my grandmothers. I’d say the voices that talk to me the most are generally positive and sometimes euphoric garnering me the status of a Polly Anna to most I know, but there are the dark voices of fear and worry that break through the optimistic crowd and try to light errant fires and spray paint graffiti on my otherwise joie de vivre. It’s those demons that I am trying to practice nonattachment for – they’re here, they’re not going to suddenly disappear, so how best to ignore them and go about my happy life.
My horoscope is appropriate on many levels this morning:
January 02, 2011
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Taurus (4/20-5/20)You’re moving into a quieter phase of life — and you will be spending time on the sidelines for a while. But this time out of the action will be a welcome relief. You’ve got some big changes coming in the near future, so use this quiet time to prepare. There are new directions you can take things in — and all that’s missing is a real plan. So try to come up with one. All this introspection will fade soon, so delve as deeply as you can now.